weak and strong
Assessing my strengths and weaknesses was hard when I was young. I did not know how to answer interview questions like “what are your strengths and weaknesses.” I was clueless. My parents never taught me and the university didn’t teach me either how to achieve integration and awareness of my ego so that I could deal better with the unawareness or personalities of others and thus better deal with conflict. That part has been a bit challenging for me. If you look online, you will find many suggestions about how to answer these job questions so that you will have a better chance to be hired.
Some people in good faith will advise you to focus on your strengths as a way to cope with your weaknesses. These good intentional people want you to be sure that your skills are written as listed in the job description and they will explain you how to “minimize” the negatives.
In my previous blog I was talking about how we can reduce conflict within the workplace and here I am going to explain how understanding and loving ourselves including our weaknesses can also aid in reducing conflict.
If you already have done your DISC assessment you probably have a better idea of what your weaknesses and strengths are, and now you know that we are at times strong and at other times weak.
One of my main weaknesses has always been overthinking. This mental configuration was mainly developed during my childhood. However, my environment, experiences and culture had an influence as well. My mind can chat with itself and ruminate for hours if I do not set my goals for the day. Before I knew how to deal with this issue I tried to reduce overthinking by blocking thinking all together. But you cannot do that for a long time.
Overthinking can be a destructive pattern if you do not know how to constructively manage it. I tried several things from meditation to taking action instead of thinking about the action. I read several articles and spoke with other professionals on this matter. At the beginning of my healing process I had to deal with negative self-talk, but later I noticed that even positive self-talk was exhausting me. Why did I overthink? I discovered that I had an unconscious fear of looking stupid and being ridiculed – that was basically the main reason. In my journey I also discovered that this “weakness” was interfering with my problem-solving strength. How? Isn’t it contradictory? How could nature have given me a strength that was a paradox? I was puzzled. Our personality in fact can be like a puzzle game. We need to find out the other extreme to see the big picture, to SEE our whole self…
Many professionals will tell you that you can control your emotions and thoughts or that you can change your limiting beliefs. In fact, I have been told that there was always something to change. The truth is that none of those advises worked out for me. Until one day I got a book from Steven Sisler, a popular behavioral analyst. He was saying in his book that by thinking we cannot change the world and that thinking doesn’t help anyone, but that, what helps other people, is doing.
Because deep in my core nature I love helping people more than anything in the world these words resonated profoundly in my soul. This impacted me profoundly. However, what really helped me to pass from overthink into action, was to practice integration of my Higher Self with my Ego. This process only happens after one has awareness of their strengths and weaknesses, and after one knows how those character traits can sabotage them or help them.
For instance, one of my strengths is that I am empathetic. However if I overuse empathy, I can end up losing objectivity instead of focusing on what the experience should be. This strength works together with my oversensitivity, which is one of my weaknesses because I can sometimes overreact. However, without this trait I would not be able to be empathetic neither. Both are opposite but complementary. If I would try to kill my oversensitivity, my empathy would disappear. One gives power to the other.
During the past few years, I have learned how to integrate and connect all my strengths so that for instance my problem solving, big picture and reflective skills come handy on working with empathy and oversensitivity. My personality traits mixture works in a way that one trait can help the other trait. Can I change them? No, all I can do is to learn how to modulate their intensity, integrate them and understand how each trait works.
So I worked on understanding and investigating their interdependency and benefits. There is nothing negative in overthinking, If I would not have this trait, I would not be a great problem solver. I just needed to understand how they work and learn how to set daily goals to move forward and that’s all.
So now you know why a lot of good intentional advises would not work for you. We learn through trial and error so there is nothing wrong if you have not discovered yet what drives all your impulses. No one is this world is dumb, we just have different ingredients in our mental configurations, no one is identical to another. Personalities tests are a good way to start knowing ourselves because they give us an insight about who we are, but we also should be open to listen to others people’s feedback.
It is difficult to acknowledge our weaknesses because we all want to be RIGHT
After you understand your personality characteristics you can work on integrating both parts (ego and Higher Self). Our ego is our personality. We need to integrate the spiritual part otherwise you will always feel unease and imperfect. In NLP we call this Parts Integration. It is an amazingly fast technique that only specialized NLP coaches can use. You can resolve almost any inner conflict that lasted you for years in just one hour. Only then will you experience real self-love. After I integrated myself, I discovered that I naturally stopped fixing myself. Only after integration you will unlock your potential and feel free.
Anhony de Mello, one of my favorite authors said at one time “you don’t have to do anything. Its enough for you to simply watch and awake. Mello asserts that we just need to watch for what is false (ego) and what is divine within us. Mello says only then you will see that all is well, and only then you will be finally at peace with yourself. To me it felt like the inner war (fix-change mentality) was over.
We need to learn to love our weaknesses and strengths, our weaknesses are not there to punish us, but to lead us to God and to teach us lessons.
Many executives are fired because they lack awareness about the overuse of their strengths and because they lack integration and spiritual consciousness. Some leaders overuse their strengths and because of that they often make employees overstressed causing more turnover for the company. Being an action-oriented person is a great strength, but without integration and balance it can also be a toll. It is important to know how to make the cake, so that it tastes delicious and not bitter.
Weaknesses are what makes us human. There is nothing to be ashamed of
Strengths and weaknesses are like ingredients of the same cake. We cannot make a delicious creamy tiramisu without dipping the ladyfinger cookies into coffee. Two opposite flavors make the right balance. Many people love tiramisu because it is not too sweet and not too bitter.
Jesus is a great example of a balanced personality. He knew himself. He was aligned with God’s plan for Him. He worked on something that was meaningful to Him. He knew His strengths and weaknesses and that He was human and Divine. He knew His life was going to be short, He coped with His fears, doubts and temptations when He went to the desert to discover who He was. Only after that discovery He was able to start His ministry and impact the world.
Inner self division is the root of suffering
Overdoing our strengths and not being conscious of our weaknesses can hurt our team or families. I know from personal experience that analyzing our complexities can be overwhelming. Some weaknesses are hidden from us. If you feel like you are struggling you may contact a professional in this area.
